Anyways. Doing last minute work wasn't the whole reason why I was still up in the wee hours of the morning - I was trying to console a friend over her recent breakup. Maybe it's unethical of me to mention it here, but since she won't be reading this anyway, what she doesn't know won't hurt her. And since a lot of people must have guessed it or even heard about it by now, I shall not play hide-and-seek with words any more. Because whether I write it here or not it'll always remain as a fact. Yep. The reason why I was in a good position to console her was because of my own failed relationship. And yep, as much as I didn't tell that many people about it, the news still managed to reach her, which was why she came to me for help. Not to say that I've become an expert or anything, but I guess I can sympathise with her. And actually, it turns out that the both of us are so alike in our attitude towards relationships afterall.

This entry isn't to apportion blame or to gain sympathy. It's just that I got so reflective after talking to her and it helped to put things into perspective. Anyway, I won't delve into too many details here - some things are always better left unsaid, especially to people who don't know the whole story. Those who knew about my own breakup always tell me I don't look heartbroken - and to that, I'll ask in return: How do they expect me to look and behave? Go around with a depressed face whole day long, with puffy eyes and all? Not showing my emotions outwardly doesn't mean that I wasn't hurting. In fact, that period was one of the darkest that I went through (considering that I didn't experience that many similar moments in all my short 21 years) and everyday I was just wishing that I'll never wake up from my sleep again, or that I'll get rammed down by a car or something. Yes, morbid, I know, but I was so heartbroken then that was really what I wished. And every little thing would just set me off into tears. ):

And then, I'm not sure when, but things started to get better. Maybe it was because I had my work to take my mind off things, or the friends whom I was meeting up with. Whatever it was, I guess having the support of friends was really therapeutic. Not that I told that many people anyway. So, after the fact, I realised I had to pick myself up. No one was going to do it for me, and if I want to wallow in self-pity, I'm of course welcome to do that, but I guess after trying everything I could think of to do, the reality and futility of it all were like a tight slap in the face. I decided to stop. And luckily, the misery also went away gradually.

Anyway, I've come to realise that happiness is a choice. If you choose to be happy, you will. And it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. And what doesn't break you will really make you stronger.

On hindsight, maybe it's a form of punishment for being too caught up in that happiness. But oh wells. Like they say, 经一事，长一智。

It took a whole damn lot of courage and pondering to finally decide to post this entry, but I'm hoping that along with this I can finally close that chapter of my life and move on.

Anyways. Doing last minute work wasn't the whole reason why I was still up in the wee hours of the morning - I was trying to console a friend over her recent breakup. Maybe it's unethical of me to mention it here, but since she won't be reading this anyway, what she doesn't know won't hurt her. And since a lot of people must have guessed it or even heard about it by now, I shall not play hide-and-seek with words any more. Because whether I write it here or not it'll always remain as a fact. Yep. The reason why I was in a good position to console her was because of my own failed relationship. And yep, as much as I didn't tell that many people about it, the news still managed to reach her, which was why she came to me for help. Not to say that I've become an expert or anything, but I guess I can sympathise with her. And actually, it turns out that the both of us are so alike in our attitude towards relationships afterall.

This entry isn't to apportion blame or to gain sympathy. It's just that I got so reflective after talking to her and it helped to put things into perspective. Anyway, I won't delve into too many details here - some things are always better left unsaid, especially to people who don't know the whole story. Those who knew about my own breakup always tell me I don't look heartbroken - and to that, I'll ask in return: How do they expect me to look and behave? Go around with a depressed face whole day long, with puffy eyes and all? Not showing my emotions outwardly doesn't mean that I wasn't hurting. In fact, that period was one of the darkest that I went through (considering that I didn't experience that many similar moments in all my short 21 years) and everyday I was just wishing that I'll never wake up from my sleep again, or that I'll get rammed down by a car or something. Yes, morbid, I know, but I was so heartbroken then that was really what I wished. And every little thing would just set me off into tears. ):

And then, I'm not sure when, but things started to get better. Maybe it was because I had my work to take my mind off things, or the friends whom I was meeting up with. Whatever it was, I guess having the support of friends was really therapeutic. Not that I told that many people anyway. So, after the fact, I realised I had to pick myself up. No one was going to do it for me, and if I want to wallow in self-pity, I'm of course welcome to do that, but I guess after trying everything I could think of to do, the reality and futility of it all were like a tight slap in the face. I decided to stop. And luckily, the misery also went away gradually.

Anyway, I've come to realise that happiness is a choice. If you choose to be happy, you will. And it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. And what doesn't break you will really make you stronger.

On hindsight, maybe it's a form of punishment for being too caught up in that happiness. But oh wells. Like they say, 经一事，长一智。

It took a whole damn lot of courage and pondering to finally decide to post this entry, but I'm hoping that along with this I can finally close that chapter of my life and move on.