Rambles

2008-02-03T00:03:00.001+08:00

I've moved.

I've decided to remove the link to my new blog addie, please tag if you want it. Thanks! (:

2008-01-25T21:57:00.000+08:00

So, I finally turned 22 yesterday. Had a quiet and mini celebration this year with two of my darlings. Just want to say a big thank you to Ros and the darl for making my 22nd birthday so enjoyable. Really enjoyed the dinner yesterday and appreciated all the trouble darling went to to ensure that I had a special birthday. (((:

Thanks so much for the dinner treat! That was a really sweet thing to do!

And of course my darling who put so much effort into planning the programme for the whole day. *iheartyousomuch. Thank you for making me such a lucky girl. (:

Yep, that'll be all for now. Till then again, tata~

2008-01-22T00:58:00.000+08:00

HAPPY 22ND BDAY BEATRICE DARLING!!

Another of my friend who passed the 22nd mark. I swear, once you passed your 21st birthday, you seem to age very fast - the years just fly by, and before you know it, you'll be celebrating your 30th birthday. =/ Definitely not relishing the idea of that.

And I feel old already, with about two more days until my own birthday. Sighs. I don't know - as I grow older, I find myself clutching on blindly to things that'll remind me I'm still young. BUT. It'll only be a matter of time before you outgrow these very same things. Short skirts. Cutesy tops. Of course, these are just material things on the outside. Inwardly, you can no longer act like a child, and so much more is expected of you, a supposed mature adult.

And I dread to think of the day when that horrible thing called responsibility will weigh on your shoulders with no one to share the burden with any more. ):

2008-01-17T00:14:00.001+08:00

真的能够幸福吗？

似乎又被打回原型了。

2008-01-15T17:58:00.001+08:00

I realised I've been sitting in front of the com for a straight 6 hours already. I've no idea what's so fascinating on the Internet that always keeps me online for such a long time. Nothing, actually. So I'm kind of puzzled when at the end of the day, I found that I've accomplished nothing but rotted for the whole day. A loss of self-control and self-discipline more like it.

And I'm seriously sick of pretending to be nice to people. People who pretend to be your friend, and who poke their noses into wherever they don't belong. If you want to know something, ask me straight. Don't go beating around the bushes and asking so many other people. And if I'm in a good mood, I just might answer. Although I'm definitely NOT obliged to. If I don't want to tell you, there must be a reason, so I really wish these very people will just mind their own business and stop acting so pathetic.

Alrightey, I'm in a bitchy mood, and some people really darn deserve it. Roars.

2008-01-15T16:09:00.001+08:00

School started yesterday and it felt good to be studying again, and this feeling is further intensified with the knowledge that this'll be the last semester I'll be spending there. I've mixed feelings about my impending graduation - most other people I know aren't going on to their fourth year as well, and I thought that's a pity. Or maybe that's spoken from the viewpoint that I can't exactly qualify for honours and that they do, and yet are giving up this chance. Ohwells. I guess I've been through this issue many times already, so this'll probably be the last time I'm going to mention it.

Anyways. I finally got my lazy ass around to uploading the Japan photos. Mind you, these are just the tip of the iceberg, but if you want to look at the rest of them, they're on my FB. Yep.

Ros and XW sending me off at the airport, and transit at Bangkok.

First day in Hiroshima, Japan. We walked non-stop. Visited the Atomic Bomb Memorial Park. Sombering indeed.

Visit to Yamato Museum (of Science and Technology). A very interesting place. And very yummy okonomiyaki for lunch. =D

Visit to the Mazda Museum. We also got to watched their assembly process. Cool.

Discussion with the students of Hiroshima City University. I love their campus!

Oyster factory and Miyajima - Hiroshima's known for its oysters. I lovelovelove Miyajima. A very pretty and tranquil place.

A whole weekend spent with my host family. Their little boy is too adorable for words. (((:

Day 1 in Osaka. Visited Osaka Castle and the day which I fell sick as well. =/ We also ate yummy takoyaki!

Went to Shinzaibashi for some shopping.

Kinkakuji in Kyoto. This temple is made of real gold - truly spectacular.

Rinku Premium Outlets - my most favourite place in Osaka! Spent close to 10000yen (SGD130) here. This place houses all the American brands selling at discounted prices. Woots.

Mount Fuji and Tokyo Disneyland!

And again!

Tokyo Tower - I've been dreaming about coming to this place since like 5 years ago? A dream come true! And so very pretty at night.

Akihabara, Harajuku and Shibuya. More shopping! =DDD

Last day in Japan at Narita Airport. Can't wait to go back there again!

Yep, guess that'll be all for now. Till then again, tata~

2008-01-14T00:49:00.000+08:00

A brand new year hoping for a brand new start to everything. I'm going to do away with the reminiscence (don't we all do that every year at the start of a new year? -.-) and resolutions since they're almost always broken anyways.

I'm seriously feeling too lazy to blog, and I'm not exactly ready for the start of school yet - how I wish I've a few more weeks before having to attend lectures and tutorials again, more time to hang out with the toots, and more money so I can go back to Japan again. And speaking of that, the mere thought of uploading all the photos literally makes my heart sink. Haha. =p Ohwells. I'll get around to that eventually. When I can no longer find any excuse to put it off any longer. Heh.

And by the way. Happy 2008 peeps. May everyone have a fruitful year ahead. (:

2007-12-27T12:15:00.000+08:00

Got back from Japan on Christmas day itself. Had a lot of fun over there, albeit some shitty things that happened. Tons of photos to upload as well, but I'm feeling lazy in the meantime. And coming down with fever one day after touching down in Singapore isn't helping either.

Oh wells. Will blog more about my trip when I'm in the mood. Merry belated Christmas everyone! Till then, tata~ =DD

2007-12-09T02:42:00.000+08:00

This would most probably be the last post before I return from Japan, unless I manage to access a computer over there.

Anyway, have a very merry Christmas in advance and I think the rest can wait until after I come back.

Yep, enjoy your hols everyone! (:

2007-12-03T19:43:00.001+08:00

I've always thought that I've gotten over the previous relationship (and I think I have, really), but once again, I'm reminded of how cynical I've become. And realising the extent of it was like a slap in the face.

I was chatting with toots and the brutal honesty with which I spoke to him was all too real a manifestation of my cynicality. Maybe certain things have always been eating me up and chipping away at that love for life which everyone should have.

I don't know....I always thought I was speaking with the voice of experience, of being 'smarter' enough this time to not make the same mistakes twice. But maybe I was afraid I'll end up getting hurt again.

But is it a crime to be cynical?

Maybe it is when it...
...hurts someone.
...destroys your self-confidence.
...makes you go around with a doomed-to-fail mentality.

Looks like....I've really become that cynical after all.

2007-12-03T14:26:00.000+08:00

Although I'd very much like to declare with this post that my exams are over, that is sadly not the case. OMG my papers don't end until this coming Friday, and that's still so frigging far away! -_- And Japan's the only thing that's keeping me going, that light at the far end of the tunnel. True, I've gotten more time to revise than other people, but this misery has been dragged out for far too long already! Not to mention that I'm perpetually in holiday mood even before my first paper was over. Kuakuakua.

And recently, the news of the dragon-boat tragedy affected me again. I'm not sure why, but once again I felt so terribly shocked and upset for all those who lost their lives. It just demonstrates the fragility and unpredictability of life yet again, doesn't it? So sometimes, instead of thinking so much about stuff, maybe we should just do whatever we want to and live with no regrets. Who knows, things like this may happen anytime and by then, it'll be too late.

Yep, I should probably force myself to hit the books again. But argh, I so-don't-want-to! >.< Till then again tata~

2007-11-21T02:30:00.001+08:00

Was feeling supremely stressed out, pissed off etc (insert negative emotions here) about the Japan trip and certain people in general just now.

I think I expect too much from people sometimes. Maybe I've pitched myself on such a moral high ground that I can't tolerate even the smallest of incompetence. Not to saｙ that I'm perfect, just that I have too high an expectation for a lot of things and people. And when they fall short (more often than not through no fault of their own), I'll feel so disappointed. Oh well.

I guess everythings's a matter of perception, isn't it? Well, that's it for now. Ciao.

2007-11-20T00:40:00.001+08:00

Monday marked the start of the study week. Was quite proud of myself since I accomplished what I sat out to do. And for once, I felt glad that my exams are so drawn out - I've plenty of time to study for them this time round. But isn't it too little too late? Oh wells.

Feeling temperamental yet again. That sense of inadequacy, of failing to measure up. But it's all self-inflicted again.

Anyways. Good luck to all for the exams. 一緒に頑張ってね！

2007-11-11T02:28:00.000+08:00

I'm blogging again. I've no idea why this has turned into a habit recently, and at a totally wrong timing too! Maybe it's due to my 开心果。But I really think it's time I force myself to sit down and mug, once and for all.

其实是不太想寄托太多的期望，却又无法自拔。也发现最近常喜欢以中文来blog.说真的，还蛮怀念以前用中文来写作文的时候。

Anyways. I was looking through my past photos, and I shuddered upon seeing them. OMG. Did I really look that bad one year ago? Okay I know that sounds kinda bimbotic, but oh well. But more importantly, along with the changes in my appearance, I think I matured mentally as well. That's a good thing, I feel. But. Depsite the boost in self-confidence, I still have self-doubts sometimes. And I'm still prone to mood swings as well - vacillating from one end to the next. I really, really want to learn to become a better person. Sighs. As I become older, I find that I turn to this blog for more and more comfort. Perhaps I'm afraid that some things can never be recovered if I let go, hence the blogging? I really don't know.

Oh wells. Guess I'll just end here for now. The urge to continue writing's gone anyways. And I should probably start sleeping earlier as well. =/ Till then, tata.

2007-11-09T00:36:00.000+08:00

Deleted some of the past entries, and along with them, the memories.

Memories that are not to be dwelt upon any more. Nothing more, nothing less. And as of today, I'll only be forward looking. You can't change the past, so instead of always looking backwards, isn't it better to think about the present and the future?

And oh wells I better get back to finishing my damn econs report. Tata~

2007-11-08T18:47:00.000+08:00

Love the feeling of this layout... I'm here again, but I'm not exactly sure what it is that I want to write here anyway.

There's always a difference between one's perception and reality; a self-fulfilling prophecy if you want to put a name on it. 现实与想象真的是有落差的。Oftentimes, you just want to superimpose whatever you're feeling onto the reality, which may not turn out to be such a pretty picture after all.

本人真的成天只发白日梦。一直把现实想得太美好，到头来却发现扑了个空。

Sometimes I yearn to take that first step; but I held back. I didn't want to leap without looking first, and end up hurting myself again. 有时候真得很矛盾，不知怎么做才是对的。担心受到伤害却又跃跃欲试。原本以为很了解别人，后来才发现身边站的是个陌生人。

Oh well. Two more weeks before exams. And I seriously cannot believe all the shit that's happening prior to my Japan trip. Argh.

Till then again.

2007-11-06T01:01:00.000+08:00

Haven't been feeling so happy in a long time. So, to the one who managed to bring so much laughter into my life these past couple of days: Thank you! (:

2007-11-03T02:48:00.001+08:00

本人又再次回来了。有个坏习惯，
就是总喜欢在夜深人静时扮忧郁。哈哈又在自嘲讽了。但说真的，还蛮喜欢这种平静的感觉。满脑子都是一些乱七八糟的思绪，老爱对一些不该想的东西存有幻想，怪不得整天心绪不宁。唉，其实不应让期望太高，不然肯定又会再次失望。

前天上日语课时讨论了一些话题，不知怎地谈到了日本女性与新加坡女性的分别。说着说着，便提出了新加坡女性其实不需要男人也照样能活得很充实。本人也蛮同意这个说法的。没有男人女人也能活得精彩！だから、女性は本当に男性が要らないと思っているん。不过，现在也多了好几个男性朋友，维持现状也没什么不好的。至少本人觉得他们比较大方，也不会带有色眼镜看你。更何况，通常他们也会很乐意与热心的帮助你，真让本人深感欣慰。（：

好了，就先到这里为止。等会儿还得去订飞机票呢！

Till then again, tata~

And it's that time of the year again when they let the monkeys out. ):

2007-11-03T00:59:00.001+08:00

Suddenly I feel so alive - I can't believe I was living in a shell for two whole uni years. And now I've finally broken out of that cocoon, meeting new people, experiencing new stuff. And it's really refreshing, for a change. (:

あの人と別れた後、初めてとてもうれしくと感じます。

Woots~ 日本，我来也！

2007-10-30T22:50:00.001+08:00

Let me say this here first:

I'M GOING TO JAPAN!!

Yep - It's confirmed: I'm going for sure! So I'm just gonna bask in the excitement before thinking about the logistics. =/ Now I really understand how my friend felt when she was preparing for her exchange. And I'm only going for at most 2 weeks! Signing up for it and preparing for it are really 2 totally different things! -.- And I've damn little time to prepare after my exams (since I'll be flying off 2 days after) so I guess I better get started on part of it soon. Blehs.

Anyways. On to other happy stuff. Met up with the girlies on Sat night. As usual, I enjoyed myself quite a bit catching up and all. We really, really have to do this more often! I'm looking forward to our year end date yeah (((:

Some pics!

Our drinks and food.

Group pic! And I realised I forgot to take a proper pic with Mag. Oh wells.

Yep, that'll be all for now. Tata! ((:

2007-10-22T18:40:00.001+08:00

今天突然心血来潮想用华文来写，而且也其实是蛮想 blog 的，但面对这荧幕时，脑袋却一片空白。

不知怎么的，身边的朋友好像一个一个都要谈恋爱了。虽说不上是妒嫉，却感到丝毫的小羡慕。谁不想被呵护被关怀呢？但本人不久前才刚经过惨痛的经历，已下定决心在短时间内不谈恋爱。真的是一朝被蛇咬，十年怕井绳！而每当遇到好一段时间没见面的朋友时，在互相 update 的当儿，又得长篇大论地重从头解释为什么分手了之类的话，真得有点累了。或许本人应该贴大字报或登报纸向全世界宣布我已重新恢复自由身了！

绕了一大圈又回到一个人的世界真的没什么大不了的。地球不会因为你失恋而停止转动，时间不会因为你停止走动，所以跌倒了再爬起来不就没事了吗？真搞不懂有些人为什么能要死要活的，既然对方对你已不存有任何感情了，那就干脆抬起头挺着胸说 bye bye! 本人的职业不是小说家，所以真的不想再到处逢人就滔滔不绝地谈起这事！

最近本人也发现到项链有点损坏了，没特别感觉，只是有点 regretful. 而且，没拿下来不是因为放不下，而是不想颈项看上去太空。所以直到发现更好的代替品时，肯定会将它置于千里之外!

今天就说到这吧。等灵感来了自然会回来。Tata.

2007-10-21T15:21:00.001+08:00

Met the JC peeps whom I haven't seen in ages on Friday for a mini birthday celebration for HW. And as always, the CG rep would end up bickering with the class treasurer without fail. In a weird way, I guess I kind of miss that familiar banter. It's really comforting to know some things would never change. Hoho. After dinner, we went to Minds Cafe to chill - spent a relaxing and fun albeit short 2 hours there. We really should do this more often! (: And I totally enjoyed the heart-to-heart talk on the train ride home with HW. Reminds me of the times when we're were still young and relatively trouble-free. Yep, picture time!

Dinner at Manhattan (yep, again) and chilling out at Minds Cafe.

The birthday girl. Happy 22nd birthday in advance!

Till then, tata~

2007-10-14T00:36:00.000+08:00

Ever wonder why so many students turn into coffee addicts once they enter university? I also don't know. Everywhere you go on campus, you see people holding on to that little cup that'll give them sustenance. Or, keep them awake at least.

Personally, I think it's all in the mind. Must be the perception that caffine can keep you awake. But I beg to differ. Plus it gives you coffee breath (which isn't something very attractive, in my opinion), depletes your bone mass, and turns your teeth yellow. See? That's why people should cut down on their coffee intake. And according to this study I heard about sometime back, green tea's a better substitute - you only need to drink it once for it to take effect, whereas you need to keep up the coffee intake in order to stay reasonably awake. Besides, it's also healthier! Hoho. And one more thing: Each glass of coffee depletes enough calcium so much so that you need to drink two glasses of milk in return to make up for it. So there.

Anyways. I just discovered I can actually type in Chinese here. Talk about being sua ku. And in turn, that means I can type in Japanese too! Hoho. So exciting. And yes, I'm procrastinating again. I dread thinking about the econometrics test this week which I know nothing about. -.- Sighs. But I'll be a real good girl and I WILL study for it. Since I have no choice anyway.

Hmm. I felt so much better after unloading here in the previous entry. Actually I've thought about deleting that post many times, but I guess it's staying up.

And being single doesn't mean I'm desperate, so if you think you can bow me over with your incessant calls and smses, please just leave me alone because you're irritating the hell out of me. I'm not interested in getting hitched. So. Buzz. Off. Okay. Period.

And yep, that'll be all for now. Remember not to drink too much coffee yeah! =D

2007-10-09T18:00:00.001+08:00

Skipped school today because I overslept. -.- Must be all the late-nighters a few days in a row when I was rushing to finish last minute work to meet deadlines. Think I'll really never get rid of this habit - it's too deeply ingrained already. Hoho. Hmm it's nothing to be proud of, but oh wells, guess I'll just have to live with it or kick the habit, which is highly unlikely. Okay I do feel properly chastised when I'm nagged by a friend, but a leopard never changes its spots.

Anyways. Doing last minute work wasn't the whole reason why I was still up in the wee hours of the morning - I was trying to console a friend over her recent breakup. Maybe it's unethical of me to mention it here, but since she won't be reading this anyway, what she doesn't know won't hurt her. And since a lot of people must have guessed it or even heard about it by now, I shall not play hide-and-seek with words any more. Because whether I write it here or not it'll always remain as a fact. Yep. The reason why I was in a good position to console her was because of my own failed relationship. And yep, as much as I didn't tell that many people about it, the news still managed to reach her, which was why she came to me for help. Not to say that I've become an expert or anything, but I guess I can sympathise with her. And actually, it turns out that the both of us are so alike in our attitude towards relationships afterall.

This entry isn't to apportion blame or to gain sympathy. It's just that I got so reflective after talking to her and it helped to put things into perspective. Anyway, I won't delve into too many details here - some things are always better left unsaid, especially to people who don't know the whole story. Those who knew about my own breakup always tell me I don't look heartbroken - and to that, I'll ask in return: How do they expect me to look and behave? Go around with a depressed face whole day long, with puffy eyes and all? Not showing my emotions outwardly doesn't mean that I wasn't hurting. In fact, that period was one of the darkest that I went through (considering that I didn't experience that many similar moments in all my short 21 years) and everyday I was just wishing that I'll never wake up from my sleep again, or that I'll get rammed down by a car or something. Yes, morbid, I know, but I was so heartbroken then that was really what I wished. And every little thing would just set me off into tears. ):

And then, I'm not sure when, but things started to get better. Maybe it was because I had my work to take my mind off things, or the friends whom I was meeting up with. Whatever it was, I guess having the support of friends was really therapeutic. Not that I told that many people anyway. So, after the fact, I realised I had to pick myself up. No one was going to do it for me, and if I want to wallow in self-pity, I'm of course welcome to do that, but I guess after trying everything I could think of to do, the reality and futility of it all were like a tight slap in the face. I decided to stop. And luckily, the misery also went away gradually.

Anyway, I've come to realise that happiness is a choice. If you choose to be happy, you will. And it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. And what doesn't break you will really make you stronger.

On hindsight, maybe it's a form of punishment for being too caught up in that happiness. But oh wells. Like they say, 经一事，长一智。

It took a whole damn lot of courage and pondering to finally decide to post this entry, but I'm hoping that along with this I can finally close that chapter of my life and move on.

And yes, Japan, here I come! (((:

2007-10-09T00:25:00.001+08:00

Backlogs! Anyway, since I'm feeling too lazy to type, I'll just let the pictures do the talking. (:

Went Waraku with Melvyn and XW.

Our food. Looks yummy, no? They are. Hah.

Camwhoring.

And more camwhoring - our 五连拍. Yes very narcissistic I know. But what to do? Put girls and a camera together and you know what you'll get. Haha. And I think Melvyn-san was suitably tickled by the both of us too. Hoho.

Next up. Lunch at this HK cafe with XW on one of the days during recess week.

Food glorious food. Think I'm turning into a glutton. =ppp

Our failed attempts at trying to appear as their spokesperson. HAHA.

More pics of us. And the gigantic mango ice which we couldn't finish. =Xx

Met up with darling Ros who's always been MIA-ing heh.

Yes. Food again. Maybe I can consider venturing into the field of food journalism.

Haha. It's a familiar pattern by now. More camwhoring! Hohoho.

We planned a surprise birthday party for Robbie and TK. It was quite a success if I say so myself. =D

The tasty mango cake!

Cake cutting. We were teasing the both of them of how much they looked like a couple albeit a *uh hmm* one. MUAHAHAHA. (Alrights that was downright evil but it was all in good fun! =p)

The birthday boys with their pressies.

And group pics of everyone who was there!

Yep guess I'm done for now. Till then again, tata! (((:

2007-09-27T19:39:00.001+08:00

Once again, I'm doing the wrong things at the wrong time.

I shouldn't be blogging now, and yet here I am.

When I've a 1500 word essay due in two days.

Yeap, me and my never-ending procrastination + last minute work.

Seems like I'll never be able to get rid of these bad habits.

Sighs. I do enjoy writing essays. BUT. It's been a while since I last wrote any (Econs isn't exactly an essayish module), and right now, my mind's a total blank.

If only I can produce essays as easily as I blog. -_-

This is really a darn pain in the arse man. Urgh.

I'll be back.

And that's when you know my dumb brain can't squeeze out any more crap for the essay bleh.

Till then. Ciao.

2007-09-25T01:39:00.001+08:00

I hereby pronounce myself the world's biggest procrastinator.

Again.

Our emotions are our own, and in turn they should be within our control right?

And today, I saw something which brought back the pain. I admit it was because I had nothing better to do - it seems like I've a penchant to heap suffering upon myself.

They always say when trouble don't look for you, don't go looking for trouble. And that was what I did. Look for trouble so I can pass the time. -.-

And since theroretically we are in control of our own emotions, I shall command myself to feel happy. And I do, really. Most of the time anyway.

Setbacks are not bad things - once you surmount them, it's like a breath of fresh air. The same goes for depressing stuff. Stuff that you thought would break you, but ultimately you'll survive through them too.

And after experiencing so much stuff, I've slowly learnt to appreciate the little things in life - having a nice albeit short chat on msn with a friend whom I haven't seen in school for a while manages to cheer me up; sometimes it really amazes me how two person who've never set eyes on each other before up till a month ago can hit it off so well. And that's how the friend made me feel: Comfortable in his presence and thankful for his friendship. (:

I guess sometimes we really have to stop and smell the flowers, look at the blue sky, and be thankful that you're alive in such an amazing world.

Life's precious, and it's too short for regrets and unhappiness. I will learn to pick myself up, and look ahead, for there're still so many things awaiting me.

And the rest shall be banished to the abyss of my mind.

Because the only way you can relinquish your hold over me is for me to discard all bitterness and sadness. And I look forward to when I'll be a free girl once again. (:

2007-09-20T11:47:00.000+08:00

Yesterday I heard the news that a teacher who taught me previously passed away.

It came as a shock, not because I was close to her or anything, but because I've never had the occasion to experience the death of someone I know, remotely or not.

For some reason, I was quite affected by it - it really demonstrates the fragility of life. Thank god her baby's fine, although it was born prematurely. I guess it's stuff like this that makes you stronger and to live life as happily as possible. Life's really too short and unpredictable to have regrets and unhappiness.

May the angels take care of you, Ms Serene Ng, and thank you for that one year you've taught us in secondary 3.

2007-09-16T14:04:00.001+08:00

I realised I tend to get very self-reflective that particular time every month. There're so many fragmented thoughts floating around inside my head, so much so that my mind's in a whirl.

I'm a klutz - constantly bumping against things and falling down. Ask anyone who knows me well enough and they'll be testimony to that. And if you still don't believe it, I've blue-blacks all over me to prove it.

I've become so cynical about many things. It's quite sad, actually.

A good thing's happening to one of my closest friends, and I feel really happy for her. (:

There're so many people I want to meet up with during recess week but I can't due to time constraint and my midterm tests. Boo.

People don't really listen to others. Often times they only ask questions for the sake of making small talk, and after that they'll just chuck whatever they were told away. Either that or they remember the wrong things about others, which can be embarrassing.

Don't always expect things to happen to you - sometimes it's the unexpected that will make your day. I quoted this from Letch, whom I miss like crazy.

I really like the hong kong drama showing on Channel 8 during the weekends. How many of us can confess to be that noble and compassionate, really?

This is such a random post which I totally feel like deleting. And maybe, just maybe, I'll finally talk about the thing that had been bothering me the most. Maybe. Some day. When I've muster up enough courage to pen it down here. Or maybe not. Sometimes I get so sick about people asking me about it, but I know it's because they care. Or maybe not.

And till then again I guess.

2007-09-01T15:27:00.001+08:00

For a moment, I was tempted to abandon this blog - it simply takes too much energy and time to maintain, which probably explains the intermittent dis- and appearances. Anyway, just wanted to clear the backlog:

260807: Sent Letch off at Changi. Felt kind of sad that I'll only get to see her next year. Anyway, that lucky girl's going to France for a year - made me so darn envious and more determined to go to Japan at the end of the year.

Last pic of the gf and I before she flies off - I'm missing her already! ):

4P girlies - 6 minus 1. Boo.

As promised, some randoms shots from Oweek - a lot taken by my cam hogger who was fasinated with its "squares squares" (haha!):

BBQ on Finale Night.

Slacking and cam-whoring at AS7.

War games - wet and dirty. Eww. Haha.

Redah at Sentosa!

Senior councillors.

And the last day at work that both YH and I were counting down to:

The colleagues.

Random shots taken around Raffles Place.

More randoms.

School has gotten into full swing, with tutorials starting and all. And it suddenly dawned on me that I'll be graduating soon - not exactly a comforting thought. And I found myself trying to race against time and signing up for all kinds of workshops and activities. Guess I have to learn to be more independent now. And hopefully, if nothing goes wrong, I'll be in Japan by this time next year. *crosses fingers. Yep, that'll be all for now. Till I've the time for more of these nitty-gritties, tata~

2007-08-13T11:13:00.000+08:00

School started today, but I stayed at home the whole day since my first lecture only starts tomorrow.

Oweek ended two days ago. It's one of the decisions I've made that I've never regretted - I walked away with so much more than I had expected: Great friends, great fun and the likes. I learnt to be more independent and sociable, and also more tolerant.

Work also ended last last week. I'm so glad that's over now, because I can't say I'm feeling much fondness, if any, for that place. Except maybe some of the people. And for the friendships that were forged. (:

I was so looking forward to the start of school, but now I'm not so sure. I don't think I've rested enough, or prepared enough for school. Sighs. But schooling sure beats working hands down.

And there're so many photos I need to upload, which I guess I'll do so when I'm feeling less lazy. Believe me when I say there're a lot, because I don't know where to start from.

Yep, till then, tata~

And haven't I made it obvious when I refused to pick up your calls or reply your smses? It's not my fault if you choose to ignore what's staring at you so blatantly in the face and not receive any reciprocation on my part. Just leave me alone okay.

2007-07-29T14:14:00.001+08:00

Office politics reared it ugly head again last Friday - although it wasn't directed at YH or I, I still felt indignant and unfair for its intended victim, who, fortunately for her, wasn't present at the time. But then again, if she were present, the *stupid ass of an officer* wouldn't even have said anything at all. Or at least I hope he would have the decency to keep his mouth shut in that circumstance. I seriously cannot believe the nerve he has - openly criticising and making a temporary staff a laughingstock behind her back while pretending to be all nice and smiley around her. You do not, I repeat, do not stab others in the back for no apparent reason. I mean, if you're unhappy with our working style, just tell it to us straight - and not announce it to the whole damn office so they can laugh about you behind your back. The dumb ass seriously lack some EQ and finesse. And this isn't the first time he stepped on our tails either.

Anyway. Went for Jul's 21st birthday party over the weekend, and "celebrated" Clarence's last day at work:

The birthday girl in purple - looking increasingly prettier! (:

Haha think I'm going to miss this boy - and his endless ingestion of strawberry milk!

And as promised, pictures (only a miserable two of them!) from pre-camp:

My very happening Rajoo! =D

Work'll be ending coming Friday and then it's Oweek! Seriously can't wait! Yep, till then again, tata~ (:

2007-07-21T00:02:00.000+08:00

Hmm this week had and is going to be a busy one - Went for pre-camp on Mon and Tue (which was tons of fun), met up with the girlies again, and going for two birthday parties over the weekend. That means lots of catching up and a big hole in my pocket! ):

Anyway, came back from camp sunburnt, but nonetheless I totally enjoyed myself. Listening to those freshie councillors was amusing, and LF and I were actually mistaken as freshies too! Lols. Or maybe they were just humouring us. But I'm definitely looking forward to oweek! (: Shall upload the pics when I've them.

Next, met up with the 4P girlies for dinner and a mini birthday celebration for Mag at V8 (and it was a pleasant surprise to run into Michael at the train station as well haha =p):

Our food - looks totally delectable! Yums.

More pics!

And two more weeks before work ends. Can't wait! YH and I are already counting down to the day when both of us'll be free >.< Yup, till then again, tata~

2007-07-15T14:11:00.000+08:00

Looks like I've left my blog to fester again. Anyway, in the three weeks since I had last blogged, life still went on as usual - met up with friends, Shir left work (something she had been counting down to!) and I attended Geok's 21st party blahhs.

So, the pics:

Shir's last day:

Felt kind of sad when she left - the three of us (YH, her and I) had so much fun at work gossiping and entertaining one another. Boo. Nonetheless, YH and I wish her all the best in whatever she does. =D

Geok's party:

Haha think it was quite obvious from the birthday girl's outfit that the theme of her party's Japanese! (But erm, guess most of us failed to adhere to the theme miserably lols). The food was good, considering that she and her friends made the bulk of it themselves. (:

And yep, three more weeks to go before work ends! Something I'm definitely looking forward to, but guess there'll be some people there whom I'll miss. ): Yup, till then again, tata~

2007-06-24T19:51:00.001+08:00

Just when I thought I was ready to let go, the sadness had to catch me unawares again. Why must it be so hard? If only humans are created without memories. Or better yet, feelings. But that'd make us no different from robots, wouldn't it? Escaping isn't a solution, but facing it in the eye doesn't make it any better as well. Blehhs. Sometimes I really wish I could erase all those unwanted memories and the aftertaste they leave.

Anyways. Met up with the girls again on Friday. We had dinner, and then it was off to a random pub along Clarke Quay to chill. Talked about the usual stuff blahs. I really envy Letch and Nun who're right now probably relaxing in some sauna on their Batam trip. I also want to go! Anywhere'll do as long as it's not Singapore. Just to take a much needed breather and break from work (and irritating colleagues while I'm at it), and bad stuff. Sighs. Hopefully I'll really get to go to Japan at the end of the year.

Oh wells. Tomorrow's the start of another new week, and work again. ): Seriously, I really don't mind being so busy until I've no time to even breathe, but sadly, I'm so free everyday it's a pain in the arse to pretend to look busy. =/ But I'm thankful for YH's companionship - she never fails to make me smile. (: Yep, guess that'll be all for now. Till then (or whenener my stupid comp decides to work again), tata~

Sometimes I marvel at the fact that I've become such a skilled pretender - if only I'm half as good when it comes to moving on.

2007-06-19T01:09:00.000+08:00

Finally able to blog again - all thanks to my crazy and cranky comp which simply refused to work for three weeks plus and now decided that it's time to start working again. -.- Blehhs.

Anyways. I managed to spot these rainbows outside my office window two days in a row. I love my seat - the scenary's really wonderful. And when I looked out the window on Thu and Fri and glimpsed the manificent rainbows, I simply felt awestruck. I mean, it just kind of reminds you that there's more to life, and when something ends, it doesn't have to spell the end to your world - there's always something beautiful just around the corner to remind you how wonderful life and the things it encompasses are. Here are the two pathetic photos I took of the rainbows - it was a pity I didn't bring my camera with me. My phone really doesn't do them justice! (They're really faint in the photos blehhs.) :(

Well, life has been great so far - besides being busy with work, I'm also teaching tuition and meeting up with friends whenever I can. It really makes me wonder where did all the time went to? I mean, the total number of times I met up with them within this one month is more than I can say for the past two years. Shows where my priority used to lie huh. Tsk tsk. But I'm thankful for these blessed friends nonetheless, and for being there for me when I was at my lowest, despite my neglecting them. =p Guess friends'll be the only constant factor in one's life, and on whom you can count no matter what happens. =D

Yep, that's all for now. Till then, tata~

2007-05-27T13:04:00.001+08:00

Finally got back my results after a few days of apprehension. I didn't do as badly as I anticipated, which really surprised me, especially the two Econs papers which I thought were horrendous. And because of that, it made me more determined to try for honours this time around. I'm so going to work my ass off this coming semester. And I mean it.

Anyway, to digress a little, the tornado-lookalike manifestation mentioned in the previous entry indeed belongs to the same family as tornadoes, and is known as a waterspout. And apparently, this isn't its debut appearance in Singapore.

And maybe it's time for me to learn how to let go after all. Sometimes, the harder you tried to hold on, the further away it'll slip from you. But there're still so many answers I need to know. Everytime I try to reach out, I'm dealt with a wall of resistance. The pain of rejection is so acute, and it's all I can do to not succumb to it. But how to let go when everywhere I turn I see shadows of things reminiscent? Maybe time'll numb it, and maybe not.

Till then again, tata.

2007-05-25T21:40:00.001+08:00

Something kind of exciting happened at work today. This was spotted from the office window:

I seriously hadn't the faintest idea what it was (it actually resembled a tornado), but it certainly had everyone in the office plastered to the windows and snapping away at it with their phones, most probably feeling fascinated or spooked. Anyway, the excitement dissipated along with the "manifestation" in a few minutes.

Well, I've been trying to bury myself in work nowadays - trying not to think too much about stuff, but certain things still manage to sneak past your defenses and catch you unawares. I guess the more you force yourself not to think about something, the more you'll think about it. Yikes.

~~And the exam results are going to be released tomorrow.~~

Yup, that'll be all for now. Till then, tata~

2007-05-19T18:39:00.000+08:00

It's laughable how I used to be at the top of someone's priority list, but am now relegated to nothing, like a fly that has to be swatted away, with excuses after excuses.

Tell me, what is that you want me to do? Get on my damn knees and beg you is it?

And avoiding it doesn't solve the problem at all.

2007-05-17T21:56:00.000+08:00

A mass of thoughts swirling inside my head now. Sometimes I really feel so frustrated. Like why the hell I'm trying so hard when it's not reciprocated. I must be the dumbest person on earth. All full of silly hope, and wishing for something impossible. Always trying so hard to breach the wall, but each time feeling that I'm being pushed further and further away. Sometimes I'm really so tired, and it's like you get to a point when you don't even feel like trying anymore. Maybe I really should stop trying. Who the hell am I to you anyway?

Sometimes, when you fall down so often, you really won't feel like picking yourself up again.

Fuck it la.

2007-05-14T21:12:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I really don't know what I'm trying so hard for.

Pretending to be upbeat when faced with seemingly insurmountable challenges is so draining.

And that veneer will crack sooner or later.

2007-05-13T21:43:00.000+08:00

Hmm. Not really in the mood to blog these days, and for some reason, Blogger seems to be down anyway. -.- So many things had happened, which I'd prefer not to rehash.

Anyway, the slight perk among all the gloomy stuff's that I'm interning at Maybank! Although the remuneration's a bit low, but at least it'll keep me occupied. (: And I so want to meet up with my darling friends! Especially HM. Hope you know that you're dearly missed! (:

Yup, that'll be all for now. Till then, tata~

2007-05-07T22:39:00.002+08:00

Somehow I wish that I'll never wake up from my sleep ever again.

2007-05-01T14:46:00.000+08:00

I'm being wilful again.

Having my last Jap paper tomorrow and I'm not in the mood to study. Suddenly it just doesn't matter anymore if the exams end tomorrow or never. Feeling really emo and moody, and I want to strike out at something, anything. I hate it when I'm feeling this way, and having to try and pretend everything's fine and dandy.

My heart feels really heavy. Sometimes I keep telling myself I can't be so selfish, but my heart refuses to listen. And at the end of it, you realised you're so very different after all. And maybe, just maybe, you're feeling tired of trying to reconcile the differences.

So tell me, is it true that when you're tired of something, it spells the end already?

I'm really ~~confused~~.

2007-04-29T20:14:00.000+08:00

I tend to over analyse things.

These few days, thoughts that shouldn't be there kept going around in my mind. They aren't new, and always resurface whenever I feel down.

I dare say I'm a perfectionist - wanting everything to turn out just the way I want. But that's not to say I'm perfect though. Far from it, actually.

And my mind kept returning to two years ago, thinking about what could have been, should have been, and will never be.

Happiness is just a simple thing, isn't it?

Then why do I find it so far out of my reach?

Once again, everything's my own wishful thinking, and that perfect scene only exists in dreams after all.

2007-04-27T17:11:00.000+08:00

2 more papers left to go. And I realised my exams started quite late - when I sat for my first paper, most other people are already halfway through or finishing their exams. The past 2 days' papers were goners. Econs never fail to demoralise me; it always makes me feel dumb and inadequate. And when I walked out of the exam hall, this black cloud was hanging over me, which probably explained the not-too-pretty mood I was in the last couple of days. In other words, I was quite snappish and mean. I'm really sorry to all those I snapped at. You know you should leave me alone when I'm in a bad mood. =p

And I need to regain my long-lost confidence again!

Anyway, after the two econs papers, I was so relieved that I didn't really study for the history paper I sat for today. It was an SS module (and very well chocked full of propaganda) with regards to Singapore's history. So tell me, am I in my milieu or what? And I really have my Sec 3/4 hist teacher to thank for increasing my interest in that arena.

Well well, as is quite obvious, I'm in a jolly mood again. The next paper's not till Monday, so I have quite a bit of time to study for it. And the best part's that it's open-book! Lalala.

Yep, shall end here for now. I'm so looking forward to meeting up with everyone after exams! Whee. =D

2007-04-19T17:01:00.000+08:00

Like I said in my previous post, exams never fail to mar my happy mood. And it's exacerbated by: (1) being cooped up at home day and night to cram tons of information, (2) not being able to meet the darling (I seriously can't remember when was the last time we saw each other -_-) and (3) not being able to do what I want whenever I want to. Argh.

But the post-exams period is something to really look forward to because I'm: (1) going Sentosa with my beloved XW!, (2) celebrating our second year with the darling (Love him to bits!), (3) so going to work my ass off to save up for the Japan trip at the end of the year, GSS etc, and (4) meeting up with friends old and new! Just thinking about all these makes me so happy and excited.

And now the only thing left for me to do is to survive the exams by mugging darn hard!

And hopefully you won't be seeing me here again until 2 May!

Till then, tata~

2007-04-19T01:32:00.000+08:00

Exams never fail to put me in a bad mood.

I'm cranky again. And venting it on people who are hapless.

It's funny how I always manage to delude myself when it's so apparent the truth's otherwise.

And you're probably thinking that this is yet another self-mocking tirade again.

It is. But the only difference this time is that I'm going to stop this shit right now.

And this isn't meant to be coherent.

Tata.

2007-04-19T01:02:00.000+08:00

Once again, disappointment flowered and spread.

And I'm powerless to stop it.

Is it because I expect too much?

2007-04-08T18:22:00.000+08:00

Met the darling on Friday for a movie and dinner at Waraku! It seemed like ages since we last saw each other - isn't it kind of ironic that we're actually seeing less of each other after he ORD-ed? Anyway, the date was uneventful, but I enjoyed myself nonetheless. After all, like they always say, it's the company that matters! (:

So, here's the only photo I mangaed to take of the food before we tucked in - I had the hotate kaminabe (scallop paper hotpot - if I remembered correctly =p) which I had always mistaken for the mushroom hotpot from the window display -_-|| whereas the darl ordered the katsu set which was equally good:

Looks real good, doesn't it?

Yup, guess that'll be all for now. Till then, tata~

2007-03-30T22:55:00.000+08:00

Part 2! Haha here are the rest of the photos - better late than never right? =p Enjoy~

Some cam-whoring before heading over to Wild Wild Wet for sun, fun and loads of water!

Balloons, balloons and more balloons - in the process of decorating the place. Many thanks to XW, Geok and the bf's friends (although they made more of a mess than help! Lol.)

The surroundings and dolled-up corridor!

More cam-whoring!

On the whole, the 2-day chalet cum birthday party at Downtown East was very, very special. I truly felt blessed for all those who came early to help, as well as everyone that came over. A big thank you to all you peeps! And special thanks to:

* XW and Geok: You girls rock! Thanks for staying over - it was truly fun! And I enjoyed our WWW trip too (although the place's quite boring =p).

* The bf and his family: It was a most memorable birthday celebration, and thanks so much for making everything possible!

* The bf's friends (although they won't be reading this) - De Xiang and Stanley: For coming over earlier to help out with the BBQ etc.

Yup, guess that'll be all for now. Till then, tata~

2007-03-21T00:37:00.000+08:00

Alrighty I know this is way overdue (my birthday celebration was held like 2 months ago? Haha.) but better late than never! To make a long story short, the birthday party was a blast - very special thanks to the darling, his parents and sister (they were probably the busiest people around that night, having to get so many things ready before and during the actual celebration day) and all those who actually took time off to come. Words alone can't describe what I'm feeling inside, so I'll just let the pics do the talking!

My oldest friend - knew her since pri. school. (:

Beloved 4P.

Guijin and Miao Teng - who left early.

The JC class - 1403!

Xinwei - my dearest friend!

Xinyu.

Geok.

NUS OG peeps.

The person who makes my life complete. Love ya!

Yup, that's about it. Will continue with part 2 when I've the time. Till then, tata~

2007-03-06T20:36:00.000+08:00

Bio lecture today was darn fun. This is the first time in 8 weeks that I've really paid attention, I'm ashamed to say. Luckily, another lecturer took over since the previous American lecturer was so ~~boring~~. -.- Since the lecture topic today was on plants.....you guessed it. The lecturer actually brought plants into the LT. Lots and lots of them. And the lame jokes that he cracked was quite funny, although in a -__-|| way. Haha. But I've to say I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

(Pammie! If you're reading this you better attend the next lecture! Haha. You won't regret it =p)

Yup, just some mundane ramblings here. Till then, tata~

2007-02-20T19:24:00.000+08:00

Once again, CNY's a ~~time-wasting~~ affair. Okay, that probably makes me sound unfilial, but seriously, I could use the time spent visiting on better things, such as studying for my upcoming ~~midterms~~.

It was the usual sitting-around-trying-not-to-look-bored-and-appearing-interested-in-the-relatives'-conversations routine. Luckily, I also had the company of the bf through smses! (:

But the visiting wasn't without its benefit. After catching snippets of conversations between my mother and my aunts/cousins etc, it made me more determined to actually try for honours when I had already decided more or less to give it up. (Afterall, it seems so out of reach for me! :( So why torture myself over it right?) Looking back, I think the me now is so much different from 5 years ago, when I enjoyed studying. But somehow things changed when I entered junior college. I guess it's partly the lack of self-discipline, but also because I no longer feel the passion for studying. And to tell the truth, it seriously irks me wehn people talk to me about doing honours. I mean, ultimately it's still my decision and nagging me won't change a damn thing. But having decided to at least try for it, I feel much better now. Haha.

Another thing worth mentioning was that I spent the second day of CNY with the darling and his family. We went for a movie (Protege) and dinner following that. Fun!

Anyway, guess that'll be all for now. Till then, tata~

2007-02-14T23:45:00.000+08:00

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

Vday this year was a special one, since I got to spend it with the bf. I still remembered last year this time when he was stuck out there in some jungle and I missed him like hell then! BUTBUTBUT the day was kind of spoilt by this class test I had to sit for in the evening. -_- Nevertheless, it was still enjoyable meeting up with the darling albeit the short time spent together.

*Love ya many many!

-Thanks for always being there - you mean the world to me. (:

Pics!

The comfy heart cushion he gave me!

The rocher bouquet I made for him (among other items in the gift I prepared for him, that is!). My debut try. Haha.

Loved. <3

2007-02-06T22:01:00.000+08:00

Aha the darling ORD-ed! Like finally. *dances around in joy* But now, it seems like our situations have reversed: He's darn free everyday while I've school. -_-|| Oh well. Despite that, I guess it's good that he has ORD-ed so I can meet him whenever I want to, when I've the time. Yups, enough about that.

Anyway, the other thing that I really want to blog about was the trip to Waseda Shibuya High School this afternoon as part of our Jap project work. Firstly, we were separated into small groups and our guides - the Waseda students, showed us around their school. Despite it being a little small, it seems well-facilitated. After the school tour, it was quiz and chatting time with the students. Although there was some language barrier (the students were supposed to converse with us in English but they apparently found it hard at times whereas when they used Japanese occasionally with us, we found it hard to understand them -_-||), it was nonetheless an enjoyable and informative experience. Looking forward to seeing them next week when it's our turn to show them around NUS! Yup, I'll let the pictures do the talking from here on. Enjoy~

My project mates and I - taken in their air-conditioned canteen.

The girls who performed the traditional tea ceremony - Chado.

Our tour guides - Hitoshi-kun and Hiroki-kun. (:

Group picture! (:

2007-02-04T22:51:00.000+08:00

Met the darling to catch Perfume today. Our very first R21 movie! Haha. He was quite excited at the prospect of being able to watch movies in that category, which of course goes with the territory of being 21 years old.

To sidetrack a little, Singapore won the ASEAN Cup! Felt so proud of the team although I'm not a big fan of football.

Anyway back to the topic at hand. I happened to run into my JC civics tutor Mrs Lofthouse (also known affectionately as "Lofty") and her husband at Lido, whom I haven't seen for about three years since I graduated. She still looks the same, and it made me realise I should probably go back to TJ one of these days to visit her or something, if she's still teaching there, that is. Oh ya, I also made my new specs today! For some unfathomable reason, I'm quite excited about it. At first I wanted to go for those really geeky black-rimmed ones, but I settled on this red-rimmed pair instead. Will post the picture up when I collect it. (: (XW: Wahaha if you're reading this, aren't you feeling horrified now? Lol.)

Somehow it always amazes me how I'd look forward to everytime we meet, no matter what we have decided to do. I mean, people always say that a relationship cools down when two people have been together long enough (we're well on our way to our second anniv) but something as simple as just meeting up to have a meal or slack around would make my day. It's like we can have so much fun together, being at ease in each other's presence, and being able to talk about basically anything. He's always my sounding board and listening ear - I realise I always think of him first whenever I want to share about my day and things that I encountered etc. Guess I feel blessed and thankful to have him around. Just want to say this to the darling: Love ya! (:

Anyway, that'll be all for now. Till then, tata~

2007-02-03T21:26:00.000+08:00

Hello world. I know I've been MIA-ing for a while, but I'm kind of pressed for time - too many things to do and too little time to accomplish them. Been wanting to blog about the 21st birthday party, but I'm still waiting for the photos. Patience is indeed a virtue. But I'll try my utmost to get everything done and posted up when I've the time, and when I receive all the pics, that is. More backlog beckoning. Haha.

This haitus has seen me quite busy and broke - I've 21st birthday parties to attend every weekend in January (luckily that's died down), and besides that, how can I forget the much lamented school. Thinking back, I realised there were a lot of things I should have tried to do although I wasn't ensured of a favourable outcome. Seeing how most of my friends are going on exchange really makes me so darn envious and quite angry with myself for not even trying. I mean, I wasn't guaranteed a place even if I had applied, but at least I would have tried. Quite laugable, actually, to always start regretting when you know there's no way to turn back time and try again. I guess I'm never going to stop this cycle of wanting something so marginally badly and yet backing out at the last instance by making lame excuses to myself - I've no money, it's too much of a hassle, my results aren't good enough, I can't bear to leave the darling behind for a semester etc. At the end of it, I just don't have the courage to venture beyond my comfort zone, do I?

No point dwelling on all that now, since application's closed. You might ask, I can always try when the next application comes along, but it'll be too late by then - I don't satisfy the criteria if I'm graduating in two more sems. Which I guess is part of the reason I want to at least go Japan for homestay. Of course, it's not even marginally equivalent to SEP, but at least it's better than nothing. If not, I can always go on summer prog as well. But the homestay appeals more to me.

Anyway, please just go and fulfill your dreams lest you want to end up with nothing but a meaningless life filled with regrets. Till then, tata~

2007-01-24T21:08:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

Finally the elevation to the big 2 1.

Somehow I've always wondered what's the hoo-ha over being 21 years old. And I've come to the realisation that besides symbolising that you're ~~old~~, you're also officially an adult legally - which means that you are now allowed to vote. (Actually, if you really think about it, then hasn't the heralding of 18 years old already made you adult? As in, you are legalised to drink, drive and get married. Oh wells.) Guess that on top of all the things mentioned above, you're now armed with the 'privileged and sacred right to vote'. *Rolls eyes. Oh ya, and how can I forget the ability to watch R21 movies? Teeheehee. =p

But all in all, nothing special, and to quote the boyfriend who's prone to say, "I feel old!" hahaha. But on a more serious note, having been in this world for 21 years (which is neither too long or short), I'd say there's still a long way to go.

Yup, that'll be all for now. Till then, cheerios! (:

2007-01-14T23:53:00.000+08:00

Attended XW and XY's 21st birthday party today at Serangoon CC. The place was really quite crowded because it was small, and there were so many people there as well - their relatives and friends. Anyway, had quite a bit of fun chatting with some of their friends. Anyway,

HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY

in advance! Many happy returns, and may all your dreams come true! (:

The birthday girl. (Haha will upload the one taken with XY when I received it.)

And I met YJ there! Haven't seen her in ages. She was invited via courtesy of XY.

After going to two 21st birthday parties this month, I feel so excited about my own birthday party this weekend. Haha.

Alrighty, till then, tata~

And people who call themselves your friends but whom doesn't give a shit about you are the worst.

2007-01-08T20:23:00.000+08:00

Somehow, it always amazes me that you can actually know someone whom you've known for a shorter time period better than someone you've known longer. Sometimes I wonder what's the rationale behind certain things we do, such as annual get-togethers etc. For instance, it's a 'tradition' to hold a gathering every year, but somehow, the gathering loses its meaning as the years go by. In the first place, these aren't people whom you are very close to, and it seems to defeat the purpose of the gathering when others are made to feel left out. Of course, not to say that it's done intentionally, but the damage has already been done nevertheless. Isn't this just like paying lip service to the fact that "we're trying to maintain our 'friendship' when the gathering holds no significance at all? It really confuses the hell outta me. Isn't it meaningless to hold the same thing year after year when it doesn't really have any purpose at all?

Anyway, on a more positive note, Letch's birthday party yesterday was great! Haha. The her now really beats the geeky girl in secondary school who always did lesbiany things to me. Seven years of friendship and counting. Love her to bits!

The birthday girl. Pretty, isn't she? (:

And today, I brought XW up to my grandparents' house for her first tuition. And surprise of surprises, my darling baby cousin actually remembered me! Haha. Was so elated when the little sweetheart could recognise me despite today being the first time in two months that I've seen her. I'm really glad that I'm going to have more chances to see her now that tuition has started again. (:

And I can't believe how free I feel although school has started. All the readings aren't ready yet, and I couldn't start work even if I want to. The econs lecturers this semester are so darn slack! They never even upload any course outline, let alone the compulsory readings. -__-|| Just when I'm determined to work hard and now this. Urgh.

Guess that's enough complaining for now. Will update again soon. Till then, tata~

2006-12-31T18:19:00.000+08:00

Alrighty, I'm back again.

First things first. My results were okay - not too fantastic and not that bad either. There's definitely room for improvement (isn't that always the case?) so I'm going to work extra hard coming semester. Enough said.

Anyway, met the darling on Fri for a movie (yup, again) at GV Vivo. Caught Confession of Pain, and I must say, Takeshi Kaneshiro has the most beautiful pair of eyes ever. Tony Leung was charismatic as always. (: We were walking around before the movie and there was this one point that we were out on the promenade and there was this couple who walked by with their baby in tow. When he (the baby) saw us smiling at him, he immediately smiled back. *Melts. What a sweetie! Haha. Then we also went to Pet Safari and I saw some of the cutest doggies! I especially love the baby British pugs. Wonder how they manage to turn out so ugly when they're full grown. Hopefully, pictures next time!

Then on Sat, met up with the JC class for dinner at Manhatten. Wasn't such a satisfying dinner though. I still prefer you-know-where. Bad food aside, it was fun catching up. (: After that, I went off to meet darling Ros at Suntec while the rest went off to Minds Cafe.

Anyway, today's the last day of 2006. Time really flies - one year gone in the blink of an eye. Just want to wish everybody a great 2007 ahead and may all your dreams come true! Stay happy kaes. (: Till then, tata~

2006-12-26T16:55:00.000+08:00

Sigh. My results are coming out in exactly 5 minutes' time. My hands are cold and my heart's pounding rapidly. I know I didn't do very well last semester, but I don't ask for much - just that I don't do too badly so that I won't have to repeat any modules. *prays hard

Will update again soon. Till then, tata~

2006-12-25T18:32:00.000+08:00

Just a summary of what I did for the past few days.

Fri, 22nd Dec

Spent the day with the darling watching Night at the Museum at the Grand Cathay. been Stiller was hilarious, as usual.

Sat, 23rd Dec

Went Bugis and caught Charlotte's Web. I love that book, but the movie sucked big time. After that, it was off to Suntec and Marina Square before heading back to his place to chill and watch tv.

Sun, 24th Dec

Baked cheese tarts again. Yums!

Mon, 25th Dec

Christmas! the darling and I managed to catch the sneak preview for Death Note 2 at Century Square. The movie was full of so many twists - a definite must-watch! Haha, I know you're probably wondering if we've too much money to spare or what since we always seemed to be watching movies, but seriously there wasn't much to do, and it was so crowded everywhere that it just puts me off. And after that, it was off to his house again to slack.

Yup, that about sums it up for the past busy days. Till then, tata~

2006-12-24T21:54:00.000+08:00

Have a

peeps! (:

2006-12-10T21:46:00.000+08:00

Ahhh, backlog.

Sorry for the late entry - been feeling kinda lazy to blog. Haha. Anyway, there's finally time to sit down and take stock of the past semester after the exams.

First things first:

1. I've been more hardworking compared to the previous semesters.

2. I was almost late for two of my papers. *tsk tsk

3. And I think I over-estimated myself by a wide margin - not studying for open-book exams, and not SU-ing the GEM that I wasn't doing very well in. *shakes head

Butbutbut....All things are good because it's the holidays! The one that I've been stretching my neck and waiting for. (:

Anyway, just a summary of what happened after the exams - On Tues, I went Ding Tai Feng for my post-exam treat and it was off to Vivo after that with the boy. We spent super a lot of money. But I was a very happy girl because we watched Happy Feet (the penguins are really adorable! (:), I got to try the much raved-about thunder tea rice at Food Republic, and on top of that, I finally got a jap dictionary and the book that I've wanted for as long as I can remember: The Boy Called It (and its sequels).

The pics:

The rice up close. I know it looks like a mess, but it's quite good. And really healthy too. (:

The thunder tea with the strong mint smell which I didn't really like. *wrinkles nose

And! The book I've been coveting since sec 2.

"...You know your function. You're not a person, but...a thing to do with as I please...
-Spoken to Dave by his mother, in A Man Named Dave

I was deeply enthralled when I first heard an excerpt from this book read by this relief teacher who came to my class one day. It touched me in so many ways that I can't even begin to describe. And reading the inhumane things Dave Pelzer's mother did to him was so horrific, and it made me genuinely salute the man he has ultimately become, for he didn't succumb to his mother's evil and twisted cruelty at all. I guess it really makes you shudder at how someone could dehumanise his/her child and devise myriad of ways to make the child's life a living hell.

And with that, I shall bring this entry to a close. Till then, tata~

2006-12-02T19:08:00.000+08:00

I'm so screwed.

Ugh, I'm in no mood to study at all! Sighs. All I can think about is going out. etc, anything but studying. Gosh, this dragged-out waiting for the final paper is such an agony, and I can't really sit down and study properly with the way my mind keeps wandering.

On the other hand, something good happened. A friend whom I haven't seen in ages contacted me out of the blue to arrange a meet up! Wahaha. I've no idea why I'm so happy about it. I guess that just goes to show what a bad friend I am, and how negligient I've been trying to keep up past friendships huh. I admit I don't usually take the initiative, and besides, no doubt it feels weird when you suddenly sms someone whom you haven't seen for a long time to meet up or something (they'll probably think you've an ulterior motive). Nevertheless, I'm glad that this friend took the first step, but I promise I'll make more effort to keep in touch with her and other friends in the future! (:

Well, shall end off here now. Till then, enjoy your holidays peeps!

2006-11-29T12:11:00.000+08:00

The computing and jap papers yesterday were horrid. For one, they were much harder than I thought, and secondly, I couldn't finish on time.

So, it still turns out that what you're looking forward is always worst than what you dread, at least this time around. I was dreading econs but it was okay; and on the contrary, the two papers that I wasn't so worried about were bad. Oh well. No point dwelling on spilled milk. It's not as if I can turn back time and make things better.

Anyway, I'm taking some time to relax - after all, my next and last paper (yippee~) will be this coming Mon, so that gives me another.....5 days to study.

Been feeling quite disappointed about some stuff. It's always the case that the more you hope for, the harder you fall when it didn't materialise. I'm getting so tired trying to maintain the status quo. Am I asking for a lot?

And sometimes, simply believing just isn't enough anymore.

2006-11-27T12:57:00.000+08:00

One paper down, 3 more to go. And before I know it, the exams are over. Wheeeee~ Haha.

Anyway, the econs paper on Sat wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be. There's no doubt that I could have done better, but I don't really like dwelling on what's over. Think I'll just have to wait till the results are released. As of now, I'm supposed to be studying for my computing and jap papers for tomorrow but for some reason, I'm not really in the mood. Haha. The holiday spirit's getting to me! Ahhh I love Christmas!

And well, I finally managed to catch A Beautiful Mind after what seemed like ages. Yes, I know I'm slow, but better late than never right? It got me to think about what might have happened if he didn't have the support of his wife. I'm sure a lesser woman would have left him long ago, after discovering his plight. And I supposed that's what love is all about: You stay by the one you love no matter what happens. Awww.

Okay, shall end off here. Will continue my mugging from here on! (:

2006-11-22T11:50:00.000+08:00

I've come to a conclusion that what's so hard about exams is not the actual sitting of the the paper itself, but what goes on before it - the endless mugging and cramming of information so much so that you just feel like screaming. At least I do. And dear old econs really make me want to scream, not to mention the fact that it puts me to sleep as well.

Been trying to study really hard for the past few days, but it turns out that what goes in one side goes out the other. Frankly speaking I couldn't care for more studying already - I just want to get all the papers over and done with. And knowing so many people finish their exams before I do is making me so envious. ): I think I'm having quite an easy time this sem - all my papers are pretty spaced out, I've two open-book exams, none of my papers are in the morning, which means I do not have to sit for an exam in a bleary-eyed state. I know I could be thankful for all of that, and I am, really, but I prefer to cut my suffering short, because exams are a drag whether you have enough time to study for them or not.

And although I know perfectly well that I shouldn't even be here at all, staring at all the econs notes and trying to figure out preferences + profit maximisation + nash equilibrium is driving me mad. I want to go out! Boo.

Anyway, shall end off here. Maybe I should just burn all the notes and eat them and pray damn hard that I can vomit them out during the paper. Just a joke, but no doubt a tempting one. Haha. Tata~

2006-11-17T20:24:00.000+08:00

I realised this is the third time I'm blogging today. Speaks a lot about what I've been doing the whole day huh. Oops. Feeling quite guilty now for not studying today. Butbutbut...I finished my dreaded essay finally! And I'm so excited because the dress that I ordered online is coming! Haha.

Okayyy, I really should go study now. Sighs. Till then, tata~~ (:

2006-11-17T13:33:00.000+08:00

Saw this on HM's blog and I couldn't resist... Haha. Anyway, here goes!

2006-11-14T01:51:00.000+08:00

It's nice to know that you still have friends who'll bother to drop you an occasional sms or two to encourage you or simply just to say hi now and then.

And these are the same people whom you haven't seen for quite a while because of your busy schedules.

It's the little things like this that makes my day.

(:

2006-11-13T23:53:00.000+08:00

A random post.

The thing that I can't live without currently. It's really nice for munching, and quite healthy I suppose. Haha.

Presenting to you my terribly adorable baby cousin! Don't be fooled by that cute face, because she can be a monster. =p

Haha. Nothing better to do. Thought I'd let off some steam before I go back to my darn essay. Till then, tata~ (:

2006-11-12T01:08:00.000+08:00

If I could turn back time, I'd have done things differently. I would listen to my heart instead of my head. After all, it's always the practicality versus interest debate. Actually, I shouldn't have thought so much and should have just gone ahead with what I've always wanted to do. I'd never know what the outcome is, but one thing I can be sure of is that at least I'd have been happier doing what I like, even if I don't get the desired grades. After all, who knows what will happen in the future? We may end up with a job that's totally unrelated to our fields of study. Just can't help feeling wistful and regretful at the same time.

I had already made a resolution at the beginning of this semester that I'd try my best and study as hard as I could. That's because I'm not blessed with any natural gift, and that's why I need to work extra hard and put in double or even triple the effort that other people put in. I know no one's born with the natural ability or talent to excel in whatever they do, but somehow, there are always some people who do so well compared to others without seeming to put in much effort at all. But there comes a point when you're at your lowest and darkest period: No matter how hard you try, you just can't seem to get the outcome you want. And it is then that you start cracking under the pressure. For some, they're able to pick themselves up again, but for others, it's a downward spiral: they couldn't climb out of that void, hard as they try. I was determined not to become a statistic in the latter, still am, by the way, but it's increasingly hard to stay optimistic in the face of adversity and faced with so many seemingly unsurmountable challenges. This really shines a new light on "what doesn't kill you will make you stronger". And that makes you a survivor, because since you've already overcome the challenges once, you can do it again.

No matter how nonchalant I may appear to be, I'll admit that I haven't been happy at all ever since I've taken this course (and serves me right for just going with the flow and not giving any thought to what I want for myself and my life in the future) but I promise that I'll try to stay strong no matter what happens, with the knowledge that I've the support of so many wonderful people behind me. Thank you so much. Love y'all!

There's always sunshine after the rain.

2006-11-07T16:24:00.000+08:00

Before I forget:

And that makes it 1.5 years! Thank you for making me so happy my darl. Love ya always! (:

2006-11-07T15:56:00.000+08:00

People always say eating chocolates can help you to destress. And to prove that point, I went and bought myself this big slab of Cadbury's. But looking at it and eating it isn't helping at all. And to think that it's one of my favourite brands of choc!

Ugh.

Somebody help! I feel so tired and demoralised and afraid. Why am I constantly beating myself up and tearing my own confidence into shreds? It's all just in the mind, isn't it? Sighs.

Will I ever smile again?

2006-11-05T21:22:00.000+08:00

Sighs. Exams are coming in three weeks' time and I haven't started studying at all. And despite all that, I still have a couple of assignments and paper due. I was thinking, actually the school shouldn't schedule lessons right up to before the study week. I'm sure many people'll appreciate more studying time. At least I know I do. But then again, that'll only provide procrastinators like me with excuses not to study hard. I'll probably just stay glued to the TV the whole day. Yes, I admit I'm a TV addict. I can watch TV for 5 hours straight.

And while I'm on my favourite topic, I realised I do get a lot of inspiration from the shows I'm watching. Current favourite's Project Runway sans the bitching and blahs. I mean, it never fails to amaze me how the designers can always turn something so nondescript and useless (think recycled stuff aka trash) into pieces of beautiful (okay, not quite, but some of the outfits are definitely, erm, interesting) clothes. Just makes you ponder about the limitless well of human creativity huh. And it brings me to my second point: Anything that's artsy is a very subjective thing. Take for instance the fact that Vincent wasn't eliminated when week after week he produces weird clothings. Crazy stuff man.

And I admit all those drama serials I watch are kind of like rubbish TV, and it never dawn on me why the protagonists can turn against each other or wallow in self-pity just because of love. I mean, you won't want to commit suicide just because someone you like falls in love with another girl, do you? The plots in these shows are so unrealistic and laughable, but at the same time, they also provide an outlet for me to destress.

Ha. Guess that'll be all for now. Can't wait for the exams to end! Ugh. Till then, tata~

2006-11-02T12:08:00.000+08:00

Met up with the kids from the japanese primary school near NUS for pur project yesterday morning. We were supposed to show them around Bukit Chandu (this really small and ulu war museum featuring pictures and artefacts from WWII) and to have lunch with them after that.

It was a very different and enriching experience, to say the least. First off, they were very friendly, and you could tell that they weren't afraid of strangers. And kids being kids, they were curious about many things, and they were so happy when we (myself and two other NUS students in charge of them) bought them ice-cream and sweets. After lunch, when we were supposed to pass the kids over to another group who was going to show them around NUS, we couldn't quite bear to part with them. Haha. Kind of miss their innocence and non-stop chattering.

Anyway, some random pics:

Looking a tad startled. Haha.

So cute.

Picture time!

Yup, that'll be all for now. Mata kondo ne!

2006-10-29T17:14:00.000+08:00

Ha. I'm craving for chocolate again.

But luckily, the bf bought me chocolate cake on Thu just because I said I was craving for some. What a sweetie.

Sighs. I really envy those going on exchange. I wanna go too! But it's not simply a matter of applying for it and getting accepted. There're still the issues of money, modules, language etc. But I just can't stop yearning.

And taking this course is the biggest mistake of my life.

Sighs.

2006-10-22T00:30:00.000+08:00

I've this bad habit of wallowing in bad thoughts. In other words, if something unpleasant or disappointing happened, I'll just keep replaying it repeatedly in my head, thinking about if onlys, and what I should or could have done to make things better.

There's no point in living in the past. All I can do is to be forward looking, and make sure that I work harder to prevent the same thing from happening again. Sighs. I can't wait for the holidays man. ):

2006-10-20T01:15:00.000+08:00

Yet another late night.

I hate it when I've deadlines to meet.

But I hate myself more for not having done my work ahead of time. I think rushing out last-minute work's an innate part of me. It's just that I didn't realise it until now. -__-

2006-10-19T23:44:00.000+08:00

Demoralised.

Once again, I did not perform up to standard.

What the hell am I doing with my life?

2006-10-17T00:53:00.000+08:00

I've been doing a lot of thinking, and on hindsight, I should have SU-ed this damn module I'm taking.

And because I've over-estimated myself, it is causing me so much grief that I've a headache just thinking about it.

This goes to show that once you've taken a wrong step, more often than not, there's no more turning back.

And for some reason, I'm on a blogging stint recently.

Oh well.

2006-10-12T23:24:00.000+08:00

Went to Vivocity today with the boyfriend. I hereby declare that it's my favourite new hang out! Haha. It's really damn huge, and the part I like best is the sky park, which is this rooftop garden. You can see the sea and even Sentosa from there. So pretty and tranquil. Think it'll be even prettier when everything's up and running.

Anyway, we spent about 3 hours exploring the place because it's simply too huge. And we took our time in Toys R Us just playing with all the toys there. Yeah, very kiddish I know, but there were some really adorable stuff. And for some reason, as if to fit a theme or something, all the shops there are big too. -.- Haha.

Yup, that'll be all for now. And to end off this post, here's my favourite pic of the day:

Us at the sky park. (:

Till then, tata~

2006-10-07T21:36:00.000+08:00

Feeling very, very sad right now.

Actually, depressed is more the word.

I find myself playing repeatedly in my head about what I should and shouldn't have done. I think I've never made the worst decision until now. I should have listened to my heart instead of my head. Afterall, who knows what will happen in the future, right? If I had done that, I wouldn't be suffering so much now. All of my own doing. Everything seems so bleak. There's just this void in front of me, and I can't go beyond it to see what's ahead. ):

I've never felt so down before. I don't feel motivated to do anything at all. This feeling of blackness is so immense that I can't even begin to articulate it. No one understands how I feel, and I've given up trying to talk about it.

On a totally unrelated matter altogether, the haze is worsening. There's this perpetual smoky tint and charred smell to the air. Maybe I should just take many deep, deep breaths and hope I die of asthma or something.

Bye bye world. Hello, hell.

2006-09-29T00:28:00.000+08:00

Sometimes it doesn't take a lot to make someone's day.

A kind smile, a concerned word or a simple act is enough.

2006-09-28T00:59:00.000+08:00

Feeling a tad disgruntled and very dissatisfied lately.

And, the sense of uncertainty strikes again.

Shouldn't we stick to our decisions once we've made up our minds? I hate the indecisive me. I hate myself for being so weak, and always having second thoughts and doubting myself even after I've decided on something. It's the same problem that has been plaguing me since a year ago. And till now, it's still bothering me. I can't block it out of my mind simply because I'm being reminded of it day after day. I just want to throw it to the back of my mind and hope it stays there, but of course, it's wishful and futile thinking on my part.

Things around me are making me so tired. I'm mentally drained. This midterm break isn't a break at all - not with the amount of work beckoning me. I know I'm running out of time, but I simply can't find the mental strength and will to confront my personal demons. I really wonder what will become of me? Right now I'm just a shell going about her daily stuff like a robot, since they have become so ingrained. Wake up, have breakfast, go for tuition, come home, have dinner, sleep. And so the routine repeats itself, day after day.

I need time for myself! -screams.

And please, spare me from all the drudgeries.

Urgh.

2006-09-20T23:13:00.000+08:00

Next week's the arrival of the midterm break.

Just six weeks into the start of school, and I already feel smothered - too much readings and tutorials to do; so many projects cum term paper to start work on. Maybe I've suddenly become more hardworking, because I don't remember myself being so busy the previous semesters. Anyway, this coming midterm break is something that I'm looking forward to. I need a breather so badly that I simply can't wait for it to arrive.

I'm going to work very hard this sem. No more dilly-dallying and fooling around.

Yup, that's all for now. Tata.

2006-09-16T00:56:00.000+08:00

Night time's a good time for reflections.

It's all so quiet and peaceful and you're left with only your thoughts and nothing else.

Sometimes I feel so happy that everything just takes on this rosy tint.

And sometimes I can be so unhappy and dissatisfied that I'm looking through a blue or gray haze at everything.

We really should just take time out from our busy schedules to appreciate the little things in life.

Albeit small, but sweet little things nonetheless.

And I always count my blessings because I met you.

You make my tears go away; you put smiles on my face.

You just make my life perfect.

Thank you so, so much.

2006-09-04T22:18:00.000+08:00

Was quite affected by what a friend said today.

Shall not elaborate here (not that it's a secret or anything but I don't really want to think about it right now) and it made me undecided yet again. Feeling a little unsettled as well, and this uncomfortable feeling was reinforced when I was in the library during my break today trying to finish some tutorial. Why can't I stand by my own decision once I've made up my mind? Why must I be so fickle, and easily affected by what other people tell me? Why am I doing things that I don't like and yet there's no way of backing out of at this point in time even if I want to?

Econs sucks.

Sighs.

And I apologise for this seemingly incoherent entry. Don't try to decipher it though.

Tata.

2006-08-29T20:10:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I wish I could split myself into three parts - the student me, the tutor me, and the girlfriend me.

There are only 24 hours in a day. People always say that as long as you manage your time well, you should't have any problems. Well, I admit, I suck at time management. And I also suck at multi-tasking. Sometimes, when I'm rushing for tuition immediately after school, I found myself thinking why I'm trying so hard, and spreading myself so thin that I just feel plain exhuasted. I'm not blaming anybody (except maybe myself), but I just can't fathom why. And looking at the readings and tutorials piling up, I just feel depressed. I've tried, you know. I've really tried - to catch up with my work, manage my time better, stay on top of things. But it's a never-ending cycle. I'm still trying though.

But sometimes, just sometimes, I wish I could discard everything and run away.

2006-08-23T15:09:00.000+08:00

I'm a bad girl because I skipped school today.

And my reason (okayyyy, excuse) was that I wanted to stay at home to do the swapping for one of my tutorials. I know that's not a very valid excuse, but I don't see the point of attending the econs lecture on what we had already learnt (JC stats) and besides, I'm too lazy to go all the way down to Science fac for my consecutive computing module for two hours and then go baack home again - the journey to and fro home and school takes two hours as well, so I wasn't really feeling very enthusiastic about travelling down. Hence, I stayed at home and stoned in front of the computer screen for three hours, wishing and praying that some kind soul would want to swap the tutorial slot that I wanted with me.

Alas, it was all empty waiting and time wasted. -.-

So, in order to lessen my guilt over skipping two lectures today, I promised myself I'll make good use of the time to study. (And yes, I'll do that soon. Hurhur.) Yes, I know I'm a big procrastinator.

And since we're on the subject of school, things are fine - except that readings are piling up like nobody's business. AND YOU'RE SERIOUSLY MISTAKEN IF YOU THINK TAKING A NON-EXAMINABLE MODULE'S A PIECE OF CAKE. It is not. Trust me. I'm saying this because I just had my first taste of this non-examinable module that I'm taking yesterday. It's called evaluating academic arguments - it introduces students to...concepts in informal logic...so that they will be able to evaluate as well as write logical responses to materials read in various disciplines... So, the silly me thought it seemed like an easy module. Or maybe I'm just plain dumb. Anyway, like I said, it was mind-boggling and kind of abstract. But like what the lecturer mentioned several times, what we are learning here will be very useful. I just hope that I can survive another 11 more weeks of this.

So, guess I'll just end off for now. I'm in a jolly good mood. Don't ask me why. Till then, tata~ (:

2006-08-17T14:08:00.000+08:00

Feeling less and less inclined to blog, but anyway, just thought I'd update a little since it's my free day off today. As you probably know, school has already started, and surprisingly, I feel quite good about returning to school again, minus long bus rides, mumbling lecturers, talkative lecture mates and strict rules. And taking lectures with you stresses me so much that I wish I had taken it alone after all.

As for this semeser, I've made myself a new resolution, and I'm determined to keep it, the reason being that I no longer wish to drop into that never-ending spiral of untouched readings, insufficient time and a lot of anxiety and frustration. Think I should have learnt my lessons from the two previous sems. I cannot continue the way as I did lest I want to drop into that abyss again - something so void of hope and all I can see is only darkness and my own misery. I realise it's up to me if I want to do well, because no one'll be able to help me.

Well, that'll be all for now. Will update again the next time I feel like it. Ciao.

2006-08-10T09:38:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BELATED NATIONAL DAY PEEPS!

Usually, National Day'll pass by uneventfully but this year, it has been extremely meaningful because I not only went for the preview, but also the actual parade itself. Being there at the stadium with 55000 people surrounding you as you sing the anthem and all those national day songs made it an especially memorable national day. The fireworks were so spectacular! So I'm glad that I went to the parade! (:

On another note, school's starting next week. Not really looking forward to it but guess I don't have a choice. Before and during the process of bidding, I often wonder if people are really that scared of loneliness. Like, most people I speak to cannot really decide on the modules they want to take because they simply do not want to take any modules alone. I admit that it can be quite scary if you have to take some module alone, but it can also be a good chance for you to get to know other people and to step out of your comfort zone. So I guess I'll just keep telling myself that when I take some cross-faculty module by myself then. No big deal right? I'll just pretend to be sociable, like I always do when I was working as a promoter and meeting all sorts of customers. It's not always easy to take that first step to get to know people, but after you've done so, it's usually for the better, isn't it? I sure hope so. Hurhur.

Ok, shall end here for now. Gonna be meeting the boyfriend later for a tanning session at Sentosa. Can't wait! (:

P/S: HM, stay strong k. Remember I'll always be here with a listening ear if you need one. Take care my dear friend!

2006-07-31T10:31:00.000+08:00

As promised, the photos! Took me quite a while to load them all, but nevertheless, here they are. (:

Nice tickets.

The goodie bag with lots of stuff inside. (:

Pre-parade:

The hosts came down to the stadium via the flying fox. Quite cool.

The SYF Gold Award-winning Deyi band entertaining the crowds during the pre-parade.

The parachuters.

Landing.

Very majestic.

The marching. Flawless, as always.

The helicopter and fighter planes.

The wushu performance cheorographed by Vincent Ng.

The various performances.

The giant balloons that were released at the end of the parade. I like!

The finale.

The part I like best: Beautiful fireworks.

Random pics:

A lot of narcissism I think. Haha.

The boyfriend and I.

Video on the fireworks! Actually it doesn't do them much justice but nevertheless, here it is! Enjoy~

2006-07-30T19:51:00.000+08:00

Finally something interesting to blog about.

Went to watch the NDP Preview 2006 yesterday since I got extra tickets. Frankly speaking, I can count the number of times I had been in the National Stadium on the fingers of one hand. I think the most memorable experience I had (apart from the NDP preview all the priamry 5 kids watched which is all but a hazy image in my mind's eye now) was the pre-parade gymnastics performance we put up back in year 2000. I think what made the memory so vivid was the hideous green lycra dress we were made to wear. Ugly dresses aside, I suppose that was the last and final time I stepped into the stadium at all - after all, we were no longer expected to turn up in full force for the annual Track and Field Championship from secondary 3 onwards. Oh well.

As I was saying before I got sidetracked onto memory lane, the whole experience was great! Knowing the fact that this was the last time the NDP would be held at the stadium for who-knows-how-long-to-come added on to that exhilarance. And I didn't know I could feel so patriotic about my country! Hurhur. And looking at the sea of red made me realise how lucky I am to be here today, not forgettng the sense of camaraderie I felt when everyone did the Kallang wave. Think my favourite part of the whole event was the fireworks.

Anyway, shall upload the photos in the next entry and let them do the talking! Till then, tata~.

2006-07-27T14:18:00.000+08:00

Went Sentosa again yesterday for yet another tanning session with XW. It was quite a fruitful session since the sun was very strong. Needless to say, I was sunburnt again. Anyway, after staying in the sun for about 1.5 hours, we packed up and went for lunch at the newly-built foodcourt at Palawan Beach where the food were pricier than usual. -.- After eating, we walked around and I spotted 3 peacocks. I had no idea where they came from though. They were not shy of strangers and one came realy close to me. It was a fun day in all.

Some random pics:

The trio of peacocks that we spotted.

The peacock that came very close to me.

On the way home. (:

On an entirely different note, I seem to have this affinity with the word "auntie". Just three days ago, when I was on my way home after tuition, my tutee's friends who were waiting for him at the void deck below his block spotted me and called me.....yes you got it right: "Auntie". Frankly speaking, I was quite indignant at being addressed as one, but I didn't bother to correct them. I really look that old meh? Sighs. Then a few years ago, when I was working as a salesgirl, this mother who came with her toddler daughter told her to say "thank you to Auntie" when I helped to pick up the toy the little girl dropped on the floor. My heart shattered on hearing that. -.- Haha. See the power of words here? But eventually, I forced myself to come to terms with it. After all, not every girl gets to be called an "Auntie", do they? (But to tell the truth, I'd rather not have that word spoken to my face ever again until maybe some 30 years later?) Haha.

Yup, so that'll be all for now. Till then, tata~

2006-07-13T11:37:00.000+08:00

The hailing of July brought with it a couple of changes: From 1st onwards, the banning of smoking in public places was imposed; and from the 10th, taxi cab fares were adjusted upwards.

I'm sure non-smokers will be very pleased with the first legislation (as I myself am), since I always cannot resist holding my breath when I walk past coffee shops where hordes of smokers congregate and conspire to smoke their way to blackened lungs and a nicotine-inspired death. That, no doubt, is definitely not a pretty thought. On the plus side though, this certainly means cleaner air and a healthier life for many Singaporeans who do not smoke. However, at the same time, it actually raises the question of whether the law-makers have to resort to fixed rules everytime it wants to eradicate a bad habit that is taking root. But then again, what's so bad about these laws when people just simply refuse to take heed of your advice when you try to be nice and tell them gently that smoking is bad for their health (as well as those of other people around them)? Ultimately, there is no one to blame but themselves. Oh well.

With regards to the second abovementioned point, it doesn't create much of an impact personally, but I certainly sympathises with those who made it a daily habit of theirs to hop into a cab whenever they can. Since I do not take cabs that frequently to start with, from now onwards, I'll probably just swear off any taxi-riding unless I really, really, really cannot help it, and only grudgingly will I sit in one. Seriously, the peak hour surcharge that has doubled is too much to stomach, and coupled with the peak hour being brought forward 30 minutes earlier, the same distance travelled then and now really costs quite a lot more. And that raises the question: Do I get better service with the higher fares? I do not know, and I'm not at all in a hurry to find out in the mean time.

Other than these changes, July also signals the end of the World Cup, the Great Singapore Sale, and the harried rush to check out modules to take this coming semester. I have no involvement in the first, whether direct or indirect, as for the second, the scary crowds managed to keep me away most of the time, and the final one worries me such that sometimes I lose sleep over it. Forget that I ever mentioned I was looking forward to school re-opening. Let me just say that I do not like the schedule for this sem, be it lecture or exam. Yuck. And the failure to access updated websites for module information irks me even more. And that's all I'm going to say lest I start puking blood all over. -.-

Besides these attention-grabbing events, I'm up to my usual drudgeries: Tutoring and rotting away. The JC class outing over the weekend was a disappointment due to the turn out, but I shall not say more here.

Yup, I suppose that's all for now. Will update again when I'm in the mood to. Till then, tata~

2006-06-21T14:46:00.000+08:00

Another week had passed by, all in the blink of an eye.

Sometimes I look forward to the start of school. At least I'll be occupied. But most of the time, I do not really mind the carefree life I'm leading now - going out whenever I feel like it, and doing whatever I want without having to take into account the fact that I've tons of things still waiting for me to do (namely readings, tutorials and lecture notes).

Yesterday, after I was done with tuitioning my secondary 2 cousin, I suddenly felt this sense of satisfaction and accomplishment which I have not felt for a long time. Of course, I don't know how much she took in of what I taught her, but it got me thinking that teaching isn't necessary a bad profession after all. But then, I think I would probably dislike the rigid hours and the hold the school will have over me. Haha. Ultimately, I'd still prefer to be a part-time tutor with flexible hours. And it then occurred to me that I do not like to be tied down.

There're so many things I want to do and buy - sometimes, I wish I'm born a rich kid so I can do nothing and just go shopping the whole day long. Of course, that's wishful thinking, and actually my life's not so bad currently so I guess I shouldn't be complaining. And besides, if I really think about it, there're people out there who're worse off than me - not that I'm gloating but just trying to prove my point.

Been feeling a little under the weather these few days - blocked nose and sore throat. I want to go jogging, but the weather seems to have something against me. Whenever I make the effort to drag myself out of bed in the morning, it had to pour. Heavy downpour = no running. Bummer.

And last but not least, I miss him. I wish he didn't have to do duty so that we can spend every precious weekends together. I wish that he can take perpetual leave so we can spend as much time as possible together. But most importantly, I wish he didn't have to enlist so that we can be free to go out whenever we want without being subjected to rigid rules.

I wish, and I keep on wishing....For things not meant to be, for promises meant to be fulfilled.

At the end of the day, when life is handed to you on a platter, these wishes are just nothing. And yet I cannot stop wishing.